


The First Times Enumeration

by LostInTheSun



Category: The Big Bang Theory (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-03
Updated: 2013-03-03
Packaged: 2017-12-04 05:12:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,722
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/706948
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LostInTheSun/pseuds/LostInTheSun
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A series of first times in Sheldon's relationship with Amy Farrah Fowler.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The First Times Enumeration

**Author's Note:**

> I am dumb and I never remember I actually have an AO3 account. I'll be posting my Shamy fics here over the next few weeks, because this pairing needs some love. Sorry in advance for the spamming.

The first time he meets her, Sheldon is coerced into it. Howard and Raj signed him up on a dating website without his consent, and when the algorithm hidden behind every one of this websites spits out a name, his so called friends force him to meet her by using blackmail.

Sheldon doesn't want to go – he  _really_  doesn't. He's not interested in meeting new people as the social circle he has formed over the years is already way too big for him, and he finds the idea of meeting someone from a dating website even more repellent. Whoever this Amy Farrah Fowler is, she'll want to engage in coitus and other disgusting activities for couples, and he's definitely not one for these.

Except that she isn't either. It's one of the first things she tells him that day – "all forms of physical contact up to and including coitus are off the table". And before he even has the time to realise what he's doing, he asks her if she'd like a beverage.

They talk a lot that day, of different things. Their work; his zealous mother; her own mother, desperate for grandchildren; how hard it is to be of a superior intelligence; their favourite non-intellectual activities... He finds himself quite engrossed in the conversation, surprisingly enough. He doesn't even pay attention to Raj and Howard, still waiting for him by the door, not until they come up to the table Amy Farrah Fowler and he have been sharing.

"It's getting late" they say, and when Sheldon checks the time, he realises he's been there for over two hours.

* * *

The first time he contacts her after the pre-evening at the coffee shop, he's not exactly sure how to do it. He has her phone number, of course. When he first went to meet her, he never would have thought he'd come home with anything from her, but he actually has. He had turned to her just before leaving with Raj and Howard, saying he had enjoyed talking to her and would like to meet her again sometime.

And there he is, nearly a week later, his phone in one hand, the paper where she's written down her number in the other, pondering on how to start a conversation. He's been meaning to do it for days, honestly, but work has been hectic that week and he never really had time to call or text. Now things are a bit calmer though, and he really needs to talk to someone intelligent. There is only so much cohabitation with Leonard one  _Homo Novus_ can take before losing it.

The problem is that he doesn't know how he's supposed to start the conversation. Now that he thinks back on it, he realises that she did not seem particularly enthusiastic when he asked for her number, and he's not sure she really wants to talk to him again. And while he would not usually have cared about the other person's opinion on the matter and called, there is something in Amy Farrah Fowler that makes him want to be nice and respect her wishes. He's not sure what it is, but it's probably because they seem so alike and he knows for a fact that he hates it when simpler people disturb him.

But he's not "simpler". He's a  _Homo Novus_ , and anyone should be grateful to talk to him. So in the end, after a few more minutes, he just sends a text, "This is Sheldon Cooper. How was your week?" and not even ten minutes later, there is an answer, quashing for good the impression that Amy Farrah Fowler didn't like him.

* * *

The first time Leonard asks about her, Sheldon doesn't know what to answer. "How's your lady friend doing?" seems like an easy question, but somehow, it turns out not to be. Mostly because it calls a lot of other questions Sheldon's never really thought about.

Is she really his friend? They've known each other for less than a month, after all, and they physically met only once. Isn't there a socially accepted amount of time spent together before someone can refer to an acquaintance as being a friend? There probably is, and yet Sheldon realises he doesn't care. He can talk with Amy Farrah Fowler of things he can never talk with his old friends, for they don't understand the world the way he and Amy do. It's not even been a month, and yet Sheldon finds himself thinking that he would not give up on their daily Twitter conversations or text exchanges.

Yes, Amy Farrah Fowler seems to be his friend, and he actually quite likes the idea.

* * *

The first time one of the guys implies she's his girlfriend, Sheldon finds the idea so ridiculous he actually laughs.

It's Halo Night and Sheldon is still messaging Amy when Raj and Howard enter the apartment. Even though he likes Amy's conversation skills much better than Raj's and Howard's, he quickly says goodbye, as Wednesday night is  _always_  Halo Night.

"You shouldn't have hanged up on your girlfriend for us" says Howard, and there it is, Sheldon's laugh of derision.

"Please", he says. "Amy Farrah Fowler hardly is my girlfriend. She's merely an acquaintance that recently got promoted to the rank of friend."

"Why am I not even surprise that this guy actually ranks his relationships?" says Raj but Sheldon doesn't even hear it, for Howard insists.

"Sheldon", he says. "I know women. Amy Farrah Fowler would not talk to you every single day if she weren't expecting something from you. Unless she's your mother."

It actually scares Sheldon quite a bit. What if Howard is right? What if Amy truly thinks they're in a romantic relationship?

But he brushes it off. She's nothing like other girls who want romance; Amy just likes Sheldon for his brain, just like he likes her for hers.

* * *

The first time she brings up the topic of procreation, Sheldon waits for a "Bazinga" that never comes. They're on Skype, and in the middle of a sentence, she suddenly goes silent.

"Amy?"

"A thought just occurred to me, Sheldon. I think we should procreate."

Sheldon blinks and waits for the "Bazinga" but nothing comes so he asks:

"Hum… I thought we were just friends?"

Are the guys right? Could it be true that Amy Farrah Fowler sees herself as his girlfriend?

"Of course we are. Don't be ridiculous, Sheldon. I'm not trying to seduce you."

"Then… What's with the babies?"

"I just realised that the two of us have the best DNA you can find in a human being, and a child of ours will save humanity from its lethargic state."

He wants to consider it, but it doesn't take long. She's right. Of course she's right.

"It would be my pleasure to father your children, Amy Farrah Fowler."

* * *

The first time they go on a date, the idea doesn't come from any of them. His friends convinced him that having a child with someone you never see in real life isn't as good an idea as it first seemed, so here he is in Penny's car, four months after the pre-evening at the coffee shop, going on the first date of his life.

The thought doesn't repulse him as much as he thought it would. Actually, when Penny asks him whether or not this is his first date and she adds that going to a dance with his twin sister doesn't count, he finds himself smiling proudly when he answers "Well, this is my first date." He's not sure if he's glad to go on a date, or if he likes the idea that it's with Amy Farrah Fowler, but it's kind of a social accomplishment to go on a first date and while he normally doesn't care for social conventions, this one seems rather nice.

They stop by Amy's house and there she is, waiting for them like they arranged earlier. Sheldon likes that she's here – he can't stand people who are late to a meeting. Penny then tells him that he should go and open the car door for her, but he doesn't see the point. They're not here to seduce each other; they simply want to have a baby.

Amy gets in the car and they drive in silence until Penny tries to do some idle chit chat. This girl will never know her place. Follows a rather awkward conversation, but Amy obviously doesn't care for that, and it's another nice thing about her. It's only the beginning of the date, but Sheldon realises that the baby idea seems better and better. They will save humanity from people like Penny.

They arrive at the restaurant they've chosen and Penny starts saying goodbye but Amy protests.

"You've driven us here," she says. "You should come and eat with us."

Both Sheldon and Penny say it's a bad idea but Amy insists and in the end, they all enter the restaurant. It turns out to be an interesting evening, but then again, Amy is an interesting person. He already knows that, and this evening with her shows him a whole new side of hers; when they say goodbye, two hours later, he knows the experiment has been a success and they're going to have a child.

That is until Penny points out his mother would disapprove of the whole "out of wedlock, born in a tube" baby. He's disappointed; gifting humanity with his and Amy's progeny seemed like a really nice idea, and surprisingly enough, not only for humanity.

* * *

The first time they decide to meet again after this first date, it's to play Counterfactuals. Sheldon insists that inventing it via Skype was fun, but it's a non-optional social convention to play games in person.

She arrives sometimes after lunch and it makes him happier than he expected. It's kind of weird, really, the way he's known her for barely five months and yet he finds himself drawn to her just like a butterfly is drawn to a light. It's kind of weird and yet it isn't, because truth be told, he's never found someone who understands him as much as Amy does. The truth is that all these years, he thought he was doing just fine on his own, when all he really needed to be happy was another person just like him.

* * *

The first time they fight, it's shortly after that, and Sheldon realises even more how much he actually needs her in his life. He denies it, of course; he says he doesn't miss her at all, that he's much better without someone who doesn't believe in the superior power of physics, and somehow, he nearly believes it. But Leonard is right, of course. He wouldn't have had gotten himself twenty five cats if he wasn't missing Amy Farrah Fowler. He's allergic to them, for crying out loud, and even if he got hypo allergenic cats, the fact remains: he's definitely trying to fill the void left by their fight.

He refuses to call it a break up, though. It is Penny who uses the word first, and while it's not surprising that an inferior being like her would mistake Sheldon and Amy's relationship for romance, it still offends him. They're both better than that. Their relationship was one of the mind, with no emotional bonds. Of course, he has to admit that he does miss her now, but it's mostly because he's back to talking to unintelligent people. After all, he grew to like Amy's companionship, it's only logical that he longs for it now that he finds himself away from her.

His walls break down when his mother arrives. She's invited Amy over for dinner, and straight out states that they're better off without each other. According to her, they're way too different and definitely not made to have a happy relationship, and it's the biggest pile of nonsense Sheldon's ever heard – even  _Babylon 5_ seems more coherent. Everything the voice at the back his mind has been telling him since Amy and he decided not to be friends anymore spills out from his mouth. He and Amy are a match made in heaven, and whether his mother – or anyone else for that matter – sees it or not is irrelevant.

They resume their relationship that night, and everything feels right again.

* * *

The first time she requests he meets her mother, he goes into a complete panic attack. He chases Leonard down the stairs for an explanation he already knows somehow. Howard had warned him, all those weeks ago, that she probably was seeing herself as his girlfriend, but Sheldon had laughed it off, for she was Amy Farrah Fowler and way above that. He realises now that in spite of having only a Master's Degree, Howard has been right all along, and it scares him. Sheldon is comfortable with being Amy's friend; he has no desire of being her boyfriend.

He goes through an intense work to make sure she doesn't find him. Leonard has suggested simply talking to her, but he really has better things to do: he's a physicist, not a hippie. Once he removed the "2" from their building, he changes his phone number and e-mail address, deletes her from his Facebook friends, removes her from his Skype contacts, blocks her on Twitter and then proceeds to remove every single online trace of his existence. He soon realises it's not enough, though, for she remembers where he lives.

But then everything goes back to normal when Amy tells him she's not fallen in love with him and merely wants to present him to her mother as her boyfriend so she stops pestering her into finding a romantic interest. It all goes well; Sheldon meets Amy's mother over his laptop, and is so relieved that he even goes as far as concluding the night by a "Bazinga" about coitus.

And the fact that he sees Amy bareback in his dream that night doesn't mean anything. Absolutely not.

* * *

The first time Amy concludes she is sexually attracted to someone, a lot of thoughts run through Sheldon's head, all more unpleasant than the others. They've taken to eat lunch together in her lab every Friday, and she informs him that the night before, she's been experiencing weird symptoms that set her on alert. They go through a list of possible causes for these symptoms until she decides it's ridiculous not to look at the truth right in the eyes and asserts that she has been aroused by Penny's friend. However, he won't accept this explanation and he insists until Amy asks if he's not simply jealous. He refutes it, of course, but she suggests that he's merely repressing his jealousy. He storms off, for this is simply preposterous.

However, when he arrives at his flat, he's been thinking a lot. The mere fact that he mistook the brain Amy had been slicing for his own lunch kind of proves that something had been preoccupying him, even if he's more than reluctant to admit it. It's not jealousy, of course, for he is not attached to Amy Farrah Fowler – she's a girl, she's a friend, she is not his girlfriend. He quickly identifies it as disappointment. He has always thought that, like him, Amy was a creature of pure intellect. Discovering that she considers giving in to her baser urges is a blow to the head (he knows how to suppress his; surely she can learn to do the same thing). He says so to Penny when he sees her in the laundry room that night, and when she suggests he could arrange for Zack and Amy to have sex, he realises he very much doesn't want to.

But he has no choice, for he wants his intellectual Amy back, so he arranges a meeting for the both of them. He accompanies her to the bar where Zack is waiting for them, even if he doesn't really know why he wants to be here. After all, he's not interested in whether or not Amy and Zack do have intercourse, not at all. He  _simply_ wants his friend to go back to normal. That's what he keeps telling himself, anyway.

* * *

The first time she holds his hand, it's only a few minutes later. He sees her talking to Zack and something obviously goes wrong, because in spite of the determined look on her face, she simply shakes his hand before turning back, her steps trembling and yet determined. And before following her outside of that infernal bar – what is it with the mark on his hand? – he turns to Zack and defiantly humours him. He's not sure why he's so glad Amy decided not to have intercourse with this idiot, but it's still a relief.

He tells her so, and she agrees, which is even more of a relief because it means that the Amy Farrah Fowler he's grown to know and appreciate is back. Until she grabs his hand.

He looks at her curiously, not sure of what she's doing, and of what he's supposed to do. He asks, and she answers that it's an experiment. He wants to ask what kind of experiment this is supposed to be, but he doesn't, because she's holding his hand and it doesn't disgust him. There is no urge to claim his hand back and wash it as much as he can to remove all the germs and dead cells she's surely contaminating him with, which is definitely more than surprising.

He barely has time to reflect on it, though, because she quickly drops his hand, concluding she hasn't gotten the results she was expecting. He's not sure why, but it disappoints him.

* * *

The first time he's fully made aware of Amy's feminity, it's in the week before they leave for the Institute of Interdisciplinary Studies symposium on the impact of scientific research on societal interactions in Big Sur. He's always known she's a girl, of course, but when she asks of Penny not to touch her breasts, he realises that, as a woman, she does have all the attributes that make her a potential mate for men – or women, for that matter. The look he shoots to Penny is, surprisingly, one of warning. He catches himself thinking "Do not touch her", and it slightly frightens him.

It's probably why he rejects Amy's offer to share a room at the hotel. He pretends he doesn't want to jeopardize their friendship by getting to know her too well, but truth be told, he's not comfortable sleeping in the same room as a woman. He usually wouldn't have minded because he wouldn't have noticed she's a woman, but this is the thing: he does know it, and for some reason, it makes him uncomfortable.

(And it doesn't help when Amy straight out states during their conference that she's wanting a penis. He's not sure what it's supposed to mean, but he can't shake away the feeling that he's somehow involved.)

* * *

The first time he turns to her for comfort, he realises she's the only one of his friends who cares enough about him not to mock him on his failed lessons to ungrateful students. Amy Farrah Fowler was already someone special to him, but this realisation tastes sweet in his mouth and once more, he finds himself at loss about the attitude to adopt.

In the end, he decides to take up on her advice and goes to Penny for acting lessons. More than once, Amy's ideas have proven to be great ones, and he knows for sure that unlike Leonard, Howard or Raj, she's not trying to prank him by suggesting something that would ridicule him. She has his best interest at heart, and it makes him much more happier than he ever thought it would.

* * *

The first time he learns she's actually engaged to someone else, he doesn't know how to react. Congratulations are probably in order in cases like these, but he can't force them out, for the idea of Amy Farrah Fowler changing her name to Amy Farrah Something Or Other is definitely repellent. Once more, he's not sure what's prompting such a strong reaction, for the United States of America is a free country and Amy is allowed to be the fiancée of whoever she'd like.

He still can't help being disappointed, though. First sexual urges, then breasts and now a fiancé… Amy Farrah Fowler is becoming more and more like a normal, uninteresting person.

A normal person that makes him think things he really doesn't want to think of, but he's not quite ready to admit it yet.

* * *

The first time she compliments him, he feels suddenly warm and bubbly inside. He's having quite an existential crisis, with the realisation that his social group might be more Leonard-centric than Sheldon-centric. Everything he thought to be about the people he learnt to think of as "friends" suddenly proves to be wrong – or at least no longer true. It's as if he was suddenly a child again and just realised that in spite of what TV commercials imply, Santa Claus can't make everything better and his grandfather won't come back for Christmas, no matter how much he asks.

Amy calls him while he's talking with Penny at the Cheesecake Factory, and for some reason, seeing her face on his iPhone makes him feel a bit better – something that Penny and her annoying ways spectacularly failed to accomplish. Unfortunately, Amy confirms what he had begun to suspect ever since Sheldon left Raj's apartment. "Leonard is the nucleus of your social group," she says, and he feels the need to prove her wrong. He  _is_  fun to be around after all, isn't he? Her answer comes clear and certain.

"I'm not saying that you're not fun. You're the most fun person I know."

He can't help the smile forming on his lips. He likes his ego to be stroked, and he realises he likes it even more when it's Amy Farrah Fowler who does it. She's like him, after all, and her opinion matters more than that of the people he calls his friends.

* * *

The first time he does something for her without expecting anything in return, he finds out that he actually really enjoys it. She's been so nice to him, a few days before, when she actually offered him consolation, and he thinks he should do something to thank her.

That in itself is kind of a premiere, for Sheldon never does anything for other people. He has no trouble recognizing he's a callous egomaniac, but Amy's different. It's mostly because they're so alike, and also probably because of something more he never really thought about, but it's there anyway. He wants to please her, because she's his friend, and she's worthy of it.

He takes a day off and spends his whole Thursday morning in the kitchen, hands deep in flour and water. When Leonard raises an eyebrow – "I've known you for over eight years and I've never seen you cooking? What the hell is happening?" – he simply dismisses him, for he has no time for idle chit chat.

Later that day, when the baking is done, he takes his sourdough bread from the oven and then takes the bus to Amy's lab. She's impressed by his cooking skills, she says, but not as much as she is by his kindness and his attention.

The smile her words put on his face doesn't falter at all, even long after he's return to Pasadena.

* * *

The first time they give their relationship a sexual dimension, none of them truly realises what it implies at first. Amy's heard from Penny that Bernadette is thinking of ending things with Howard, the gossipy side of their social circles surprisingly interests them and they come up with an idea for an experiment. Next thing they know, their whole circle of friends believe they had sex.

They don't really give importance to the premise of their experiment, not until Sheldon realises that everyone is more surprised that he had sex at all than the fact that he did the deed with Amy. When they reveal the lie to their friends, Penny even comments that losing his virginity to Amy was the only believable way for Sheldon to "become a man."

Amy doesn't seem to give it more thought, but it actually gets Sheldon's brain running that night. He never had any intention to engage in coitus, and he still doesn't, but the truth is that doing it with Amy doesn't seem as repulsive as he first thought. He still doesn't want to do it, but if he were to give in to his baser urges, it only seems logical that it would have to be with Amy.

* * *

The first time he realises she could be of a romantic interest to him, it doesn't bother him at much as he first thought it would.

Life at the 4A apartment has become a nightmare for him since Leonard has decided to use his lawyer of a girlfriend to render the Roommate Agreement moot, and when Penny invites him over to her girls night with Amy and Bernadette to engage in some Priya trashing, he takes the opportunity to flee the diabolic couple.

He discovers a new side of Amy that night, and he doesn't think he likes it. Smoking and drinking are definitely not two activities he would have linked to her, yet there she is, freely admitting to having crazy nights with Bernadette and Penny. At some point, she comments that she finds him "sexy", and he doesn't know how to process that. He's never been called "sexy" before, and he's not sure whether he should choose to be flattered or anxious. Bernadette then sings that Amy and Sheldon are "sitting in a tree K-I-S-S-S-S-I-N-G" and, spelling mistake aside, Sheldon finds himself intrigued by the comment. But he doesn't really have time to give it much thought as he is forced to admit that he's never kissed a girl who wasn't Mom, Missy or Meemaw.

It is then that Amy chooses to let him know that she's available for experimentation. She puckers up her lips and in spite of himself, Sheldon finds his gaze drawn to them. He stares at them for a few seconds, unsure of what to think. Amy is obviously intoxicated and she probably wouldn't behave like this, were she in her normal state, yet he finds himself wondering "What if?"

The girls hit a nerve with their "Aren't you a little curious?" Of course he is. He's a scientist, he's curious about everything around him. And while he always chose to not dwell on his curiosity regarding romantic and sexual relationships, as they're messy and unnecessary and an obstacle on his road to a Nobel Prize, he realises that experimenting with Amy doesn't seem that bad. She's like him, after all, and if he were to experiment something so intimate, he assumes it would be with her.

But in the end, he decides not to. Because he's not disgusted by the idea of kissing Amy, and it scares him much more than he thought it would.

(Besides, she's drunk, and he would hate to take advantage of her like that. He's a gentleman, you know?)

* * *

The first time he touches her, it's later on this very same night. He's been coerced into going dancing with the girls, because he  _is_ a gentleman, and when they ask him to accompany them to a dance soirée, he has no choice. (Or maybe he has, and he's only following them because he is curious, but he doesn't want to admit it to anyone, even not to himself.)

When their taxi drops them to a dance club, Sheldon suddenly grows nervous. The fact that he will soon have to dance with at least one of the girls hits him, and he's not sure he can do it. The dance he's learnt as a Texan pre-adolescent involve too much touching. Hands, shoulders, forearms… and even hips. He doesn't like touching people for they're all full of germs, but touching a woman's hip is even worse: Sheldon knows all about the sexual undertones of such a gesture.

Penny asks who he wants to dance with first, and Sheldon answers it's obvious.

"Bernadette is engaged to another man, and  _you_  annoy me too much."

He turns to Amy and extends her a hand.

"Come and dance," he says abruptly – probably  _too_ abruptly for a gentleman – and she smiles a bit when she takes his hand in hers and follows him on the dance floor.

Turns out that she's also rather good, and when their first dance ends, he doesn't let go of her hand at all. He doesn't count how many dances they dance that night, but he realises he doesn't dance with anyone else. The thought makes him feel strangely warm.

* * *

The first time she kisses him is a couple of hours later. Bernadette takes a taxi home first, and when Penny offers to drive Sheldon back to their building, he casts an eye to Amy. She's clearly intoxicated and he doesn't want anything bad to happen to his friend, so he turns down Penny's offer. Instead, he gets in a taxi with Amy, and they head off to Glendale.

When they arrive, the words "Yoo Hoo" lure him inside her apartment. He's never been there before, and he feels like being invited into her universe is probably some kind of a big step forward in their friendship. He meets Ricky, a monkey from her addiction study group, and she then proceeds to give him some advice about Priya. He wants to ask for more, an idea on how to "play dirty" maybe, but her next words catch his attention, and he knows what's going to happen before it even starts.

He should probably get up and leave, for his relationship with Amy Farrah Fowler is not supposed to be physical, and yet he finds himself rooted to the spot. Even worse, he closes his eyes and prepares his mouth to receive Amy's kiss. When her lips do touch his, he feels something weird in his stomach – or is it his chest? actually, it's probably both – and doesn't find it disgusting at all. For a moment, it seems as if his fear of germs disappeared, as if it had actually never been there.

But the moment his cut short when Amy withdraws, and Sheldon surprises himself when he feels a tinge of disappointment. It's all very  _fascinating_ …

* * *

The first time they mention something akin to kissing again, it's several weeks later. The night after their first kiss, Sheldon stayed up late and decided it'd be better if they forgot it altogether. Truth is that it had made him feel things he had never felt before, and he had not been prepared for that. They has resumed their relationship as it was before, intimacy forgotten (except for a very memorable massage session on the webcam that had made Sheldon see stars)

But when Penny decides that it is a good idea to bring back into their building a chair that has previously been sleeping on the streets, all hell breaks loose for Sheldon and he finds himself begging Amy to talk some sense into Penny. She won't do it, however, as she points out that she's in no way obligated to participate in his worry for cleanliness. This is why Sheldon asks if she'd like something in exchange, and there comes a weird answer.

"Kiss me where I've never been kissed before?"

Sheldon looks at her, startled. First at her proposition, as he thought they had agreed not to mention anything of the sort again, and then at his lack of reaction. He's not disgusted. Actually, he realises that kissing Amy again really doesn't sound that bad, and  _oh drat, what the hell is happening to me, because I think would actually very much like it, dear God, dear God, dear God_. Now he just has to find out where she's never been kissed, so they can arrange a trip and… oh, he has always wanted to see Salt Lake City, so that might as well be the occasion, right?

* * *

The first time he has to face the truth and admit he's jealous, he wishes it was to himself only, but Leonard won't give up.

Amy and his roommate went to a wedding together the day before, and now Sheldon regrets he didn't go with her like they did that first time. Sheldon had thought Amy and Leonard would not have that great of a time, considering how radically different they are from each other, and yet that morning when he wakes up and asks his friend how it all went, he learns that they had intercourse.

At the pulled-groin comment, Sheldon's blood boils red and he can't think straight because his friend betrayed him and touched the woman he… a woman he likes spending time with and who is  _his_ to play with and  _Leonard had no right and he deserves to suffer_.

His hand hits Leonard's shoulder before he can even realise what he's doing and when Leonard asks him what it was for, the words escape Sheldon's mouth before he can really think them through.

"To send a message: she is not for you."

Leonard doesn't seem to understand and Sheldon storms off to his room, because he cannot stand seeing this traitor acting innocent, and he's so angry he doesn't even take time to realise what it all means, the fact that he can't stand the idea of his friend who is a girl but is not his girlfriend engaging in coitus with another man.

His life becomes hell, after that, as for the next three days (after clarifying that Amy and he  _didn't_  have sex), Leonard pesters Sheldon into admitting his jealousy.

He won't do it, though. Leonard eventually gives up, and Sheldon's mind is free to forget the incident and concentrate on other things, as long as those other things have nothing to do with dwelling on the feeling of  _relief_  that overwhelmed him when he learnt that Amy and Leonard actually did not have sex.

* * *

The first time he doesn't react when someone implies Amy's his girlfriend, it's around a game of  _Dungeons & Dragons_. Raj is feeling blue – Sheldon can see that by the huge pie he wants to eat all by himself,  _oh, I really am getting better at guessing people's feelings_  – and complains that he's the only one in their group of friends not to be romantically involved with anyone. "Sheldon has Amy", he says, and Sheldon doesn't even mind, because recent events forced him to think about their relationship, and he realises that Raj might be right. Maybe Amy and he are closer to girlfriend and boyfriend than they are to being "just friends".

Not that he would ever admit it to anyone, not even to himself, and especially not to  _her_. He's not entirely sure why. Maybe because Sheldon Lee Cooper doesn't do romantic relationships. Maybe because his evolving feelings scare the life out of him.

* * *

The first time he's hurt by one of his friends mocking his relationship with Amy, Sheldon wants to pretend it's not important but he can't bring himself to do it. It's not the first time that someone makes fun of them, but when Leonard says that it's fun thinking about Sheldon and Amy and creeping oneself out about it, going as far as to compare them to the Loch Ness monster, Sheldon feels anger rising in his chest like a violent lion.

First of all, unlike the Loch Ness monster, his relationship with Amy is not imaginary. It's very much real, very much there, and very much important. He's grown to love her companionship and she actually does make his life more bearable than it ever was before he met her. Then, the idea that their relationship would "creep someone out" is both mean and forgetting everything it brought to his life. He can't explain  _how_  even though he  _knows_ it, but he's never been so comfortable in his life before. Leonard has no right to dumb down what they have to some hokum for gullible tourists visiting Scotland.

* * *

The first time she suggests his emotional reactions are just like everyone else's, he tries to dismiss it, but he knows she's right. She has no idea how right she is, actually, but she is; of course she is. She thinks she's opening his eyes on the relationship he has with his mother, but his eyes have been open for a long time on  _their_ own relationship. He's come to terms with the fact that he's just like everyone else on that front; when it comes down to emotions, no amount of intelligence will ever help him navigating through the confusion she plunges him in.

Amy Farrah Fowler makes him a common man, and the weirdest thing is that somehow, it doesn't bother him that much.

* * *

The first time she's in distress and he's the one who has to comfort her, he nearly has a panic attack. Her feelings have been hurt by Penny and Bernadette, and he finds himself caught between her tears and her loneliness. Had he known that was what was waiting for him, he wouldn't have tried to see her, but her silence did scare him and here he is, trying to find the words to make her feel better.

This is when she requests physical contact, and Sheldon feels himself grow suddenly hot. He doesn't like touching people, never has and probably never will. He doesn't like it, and hates it even more when she expresses desire for sex – he  _especially_  doesn't want to have sex. He doesn't like it, yet there is something in Amy's eyes that makes him want to do something.

He suggests stroking her hair – he's always liked her hair, it's so straight and perfectly styled and it brings peace and harmony into his world – but she still desires more, and in the end, they settle on cuddling.

It takes all of his willpower, but he does it. He takes Amy Farrah Fowler into his arms and tries to make her feel better, even if his mind keeps screaming how unhygienic it is to cuddle with someone who's been crying and probably has traces of her despair dripping out of her nose.

He does it because while his mind selfishly wants him to go back home to build his Death Star, his heart keeps telling him he's doing the right thing by helping his friend in a time of need.

* * *

The first time he realises he might like her better than as "just a friend", he's not as shocked as he first thought he'd be. He may have unfriended Leonard, Rajesh and Howard on Facebook to keep up with appearances, but that doesn't mean he doesn't realise they're right. After all, he still thinks kissing her in Salt Lake City isn't that bad of an idea, and when Amy asked him what it would take for him to have his way with her in a motel, he  _did_ consider it… which was enough to scare him and make him beg Leonard and Amy to go home.

So when Penny suggests that the only way for him to get her back from that oaf Stuart is to finally be a man and do something about his feelings, he knows exactly what she means. The signs have been there all along – his jealousy, his tolerance to prolonged physical contact to her, and the sweetness of the realisation that she is a girl and he is a boy – and he is too clever not to see that he would not object to Amy being referred to as  _his girlfriend._

It's not romantic love – he's not quite there yet, and he honestly doubts he ever will – but he values Amy as more than a friend, but not like his sister or his Meemaw or his mother. He's not quite sure what it is, but being Amy's boyfriend is probably the best starting point he can think of to understand what he is feeling. He just has to hope that she will be willing to go out with him.

* * *

The first time he gets into what Penny qualifies as "girlfriend trouble", the thought makes him smile more than wince, for Sheldon Lee Cooper having girlfriend troubles is kind of a surprise to most people, himself included.

She still drags him to a jewellery store, because according to her, having girlfriend troubles is  _not_ a good thing and he has to make it up to Amy somehow. Sheldon doubts getting her some silly bracelet or earrings is going to make her feel better about their quarrel, but he has to recognize that Penny has more experience than he does in the area of making up with a boyfriend so he still follows her there. And he realises it's a good idea, in the end, for the tiara he spots screams "Amy" and he finds himself smiling his koala smile when he imagines his vixen looking like the princess he knows she is for the whole world to see.

* * *

The first time he tells her about his "Fun With Flags" idea, he doesn't think for one minute that she will refuse to assist him, and he turns out to be right.

This is what they are, after all. One same mind in two different bodies, and there's not really anything else to say.

* * *

The first time someone points out he doesn't give Amy everything a boyfriend is supposed to give a girlfriend, he just stares into space because he knows Penny's right; he doesn't use Amy for what "girlfriends are for".

Then again, his girlfriend never complains about it, and the few hints she's given him were made prior to the Relationship Agreement. They're a functioning couple because she knows that in spite of all the affection he feels for her, he's not comfortable enough to make things physical, and the idea of kissing her in Salt Lake City remains nice because it's just that,  _an idea_.

For now, and whatever her best friend says, his girlfriend is content with the fact that their relationship is purely intellectual, and he can only hope that things will remain the same.

* * *

The first time he realises he's crossed a line with her, he still doesn't want to apologize. After all, it's hardly his fault biology is a field of lesser importance. Had it been more interesting, he would have had mastered it like he did with physics and would not have had to do menial tasks that don't match his intellect. Still, she's the expert in this field and he guesses questioning her authority was a bit over the top. He sure wouldn't like it if she barged into his office and decided to hammer her ideas on string theory.

Yet he still doesn't want to issue an actual apology. He's never done that before, for he's never been in the wrong. Bad things sometimes happen, and when they involve him, it's never his fault – he's merely a witness to the universe playing pranks on the people in his life.

But when he sees the look on her face, something clicks inside of him. She's always so patient and nice and wonderful to him, and if she can barely look at him without rolling her eyes, it probably means that for the first time in his life, he's done something he shouldn't have. And it annoys him, for he's rather fond of Amy and he doesn't want her to think ill of him. So before he can realise what he's doing, he blurts out a "Sorry".

* * *

The first time he sleeps at her place, he doesn't realise until the morning after what it actually means: in the middle of the chaos that this life has become since Mr D'Onofrio entered the hospital, her apartment is actually the only constant point. It feels like home, because she's her and she makes him feel… safe.

Once more, he's not sure what to make of it. He'll probably have time to figure it out later.

* * *

The first time she talks about leaving him, he can swear he feels his heart stop for a second, and even though he knows very well that it's not a good sign, he doesn't really pay attention to it, for Amy Farrah Fowler is  _thinking about leaving him._ For a miniature horse breeder named Armin, of all people.

A lot runs through his mind. First, why would anyone decide to ditch the great Doctor Sheldon Lee Cooper to replace them with a  _miniature horse breeder_? Then, what on earth has he done to deserve the wrath of his lady? She was the one to tell him he could stay and play  _Star Wars_  with his friends, after all… And finally, finally, why on earth is he suddenly perspiring so much, and his breath so short, and his heart racing so much?

* * *

The first time he realises she's always on his mind, even when she really shouldn't, he's so scared he ends up asking help from Leonard. Of course, his friend gets it all wrong – he doesn't think about her in the  _bed_ or in the  _shower_ , thank you very much – but Sheldon thinks that voicing his troubles out loud might help, just like it often does with physics problems. Except that physics are logical and even if it's sometimes long and complicated, he never fails to find an answer or explanation for the things that trouble him.

However, his problem with Amy is different. He's not stupid, and he's long since realised he has a soft spot for her – he  _did_  ask her to become his girlfriend, after all – but it's getting out of hand. He has work to do, and he can't afford to lose his precious time daydreaming about a girl, no matter how pretty she is.

She needs to stop her experiment before he becomes like Leonard.

* * *

The first time he grabs her hand for support, he doesn't want to make a big deal out of it and eludes all her questions when they're left alone.

"Everyone else did it" is his answer, and he hopes she doesn't see right through it and remarks that Sheldon Cooper never  _ever_  does anything like everyone else and that he had his eyes riveted to the TV screen and no idea that Bernadette had grabbed Raj's hand and Penny had grabbed Leonard's anyway.

She seems to be wanting to say something, but in the end, she doesn't, and he's relieved. He's already come to terms with the fact that Amy makes him feel safe, but he's not ready to admit it. Everyone knows that from the moment on a superhero confides in having feelings, he becomes vulnerable. Sheldon won't hand out his kryptonite like a dessert on a platter.

* * *

The first time she asks for something meaningful from him, he nearly finds himself at a loss for words. He  _knows_ that he feels strongly for her; he just doesn't know  _what_ , and he knows even less how to  _voice_  it.

He feels himself panicking, though, because she's talking about leaving him and not unlike that first time she menaced him, the thought makes him dizzy and unwell. But he has to say something, because he doesn't want her to walk out of his life, of  _that_ he is certain.

And suddenly, he remembers the last time he watched  _Spider-Man_  with Leonard, the month before, and he remembers thinking  _This is how I feel about Amy_ for it is true. He doesn't know what he feels, but he knows what he wants to be.  _For_  her, and  _with_  her. Because she  _deserves_  it.

* * *

The first time he nearly blurts out "I love you, Amy", he stops himself on time, mostly because he's shocked. He's said it before, to Leonard and to his Mom and to his Mee-Maw, and saying he's never had any trouble admitting it to them would be lying, but in the end, he did it. This is why realising he can't say it to Amy is baffling, for she is not  _that_  different from them.

 _Except that she is_.

And it's true. He knows it, has always known it, ever since the day they first met. She's different from anyone he ever met, and the place that she took in his life is different too. He loves her, both like he loves Leonard and Mom and Mee-Maw, but also, somehow, very differently.

The fleeting idea that it might be romantic love pops into his mind and it positively scares him to death, because he can't logically refute it.

So in the end, he simply gives in to her request and takes her hand in his and blabbers about loving trains and fish before trying to get back to the movie playing. It's much easier. It's much safer.

Even if it  _does_  leave a weird, sour taste in his mouth.

* * *

The first time he decides that she's more important than anyone else, he's kind of drunk – kind of only, because Penny gave him  _tea_ , not alcohol. Wil Wheaton humiliated her and it's his role to defend her honour, and while it might be the tea talking, Sheldon figures it's only revealing what he knows deep inside because it's been engrained in his brain by his Texan upbringing – and also maybe because he kind of, sort of want to.

When he's back to normal the day after, he feels kind of awful. His head hurts and his stomach is no better, and he did embarrass himself in front of a friend. And yet, when he sees his girlfriend's impressed and grateful look, he finds himself thinking it was worth it.

* * *

The first time he realises she's always going to be by his side, he feels his heart racing a bit too fast, but he puts it on the fear of being scolded by the university security guards. Still, even he has to admit that having an acolyte is something that makes all superheroes and the fact that Amy is so willing on taking this role makes him happier than he ever thought it would.

The truth is, he wouldn't have dreamt of a better Robin to his Batman than his girlfriend.

* * *

The first time he decides that it's high time for him to try and make efforts in their relationship, he's kind of forced to it, because she's sick and it's only fair that he takes care of her – besides, he does care about her well-being.

It's really hard for him, because he's been taken care of enough by his Mee-Maw, his Mom and Penny to know that he's bound to touch her. And he's… well, he's still not open to it, although he'd be lying if he said he's never thought about it.

He's not stupid – actually, he's much more intelligent than the average population – and he knows that Amy overcame the aversion to physical contact she has when they first met. He blame Penny for changing her, but whatever the cause was, his girlfriend now has… physical needs that she wants him to take care of.

And he can't do it. He can't. He's thought about it a lot, and he just cannot do it. Not yet.

Because she's changed him, too. He realises now that he does love her, and that's mostly because she made him a better man without even trying. He loves her because life became nicer and sweeter since he met her. He loves her because she's given him things he never knew he needed before she came into his life. He loves her and it's highly time for him to do things for her.

So while sexual intercourse is still out of the question, at least for now, he feels like today, he can take care of her, even if that means doing things out of his comfort zone, like rubbing Vapor Rubs on her chest or seeing her naked.

_Because I love her, and she deserves it._


End file.
